Know Yourself to Form Healthy Relationships

Know Yourself to Form Healthy Relationships


Are you in a love-hate relationship with your spouse? Do you have any friends who will stand by you when you really need them? What about your relationship with your colleagues or boss? Do you feel that your partner understands you? Do you feel loved and respected? So many questions…!

We are in numerous relationships all the time. We have got friends, family, and colleagues. But how many of us actually reflect on our relationships? Being in good, harmonious relationships is absolutely essential for our emotional well-being.

It is true that we cannot change our partner, our children, our boss, or our friends. So why should we reflect on our relationship with them? The Zen mind is peaceful and reflects on whatever is important to us. It helps us understand our relationships better.

People don’t like it when you tell them what to do. So trying to change another person is a futile exercise. But we can change ourselves, can’t we?

What is a healthy relationship?

Do you feel an irresistible need to change your partner? If so, it is a clear indication that you are in an unhealthy relationship. Our relationships reflect how we feel about ourselves. Are you happy, frustrated, angry, or helpless? The way you feel about yourself will determine the nature of relationships you have with other people.

In many cases, we expect the people in our lives to fill a void that we feel inside us. And this void could be a lack of worthiness or low self-esteem. We expect our relationship to make us complete.

What makes a relationship comfortable?

If you are around a person who makes you annoyed, nervous, angry, upset or uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean that that person is full of negativity. Instead, it could be a fine reflection of your inner feelings.  You may be harboring hidden fears or insecurities, and when that person says or does something that reinforces those negative emotions, you feel resentment toward them. In the same way, when you are around people who love or appreciate you, they are reinforcing your belief that you have every right to be loved. This makes your relationship with them comfortable. All of us want to form relationships with people who make us feel good.

How to form healthy relationships?

Know thyself

Understand that you are a fine human being who has a reason for being here.  Know your gifts and talents. Every one of us has got at least a few of them. If you already know what your unique talents are, it’s good. If you don’t know, try to discover them.

Take responsibility

Understand that the success of your relationship is in your hands, and not in your partner’s hands. If you really want a relationship to succeed, you can make it happen.

Ask yourself if you are restricting your flow of energy or love. Is there anything that holds you back from expressing your love? Remember that our mind has the power to attract whatever we want in our life. People who are insecure attract insecurity into their relationships.


We cannot probably change other people. But the moment we change our attitude towards them, they too will begin to change. If you give love, you cannot get hatred in return. It is that simple.

Unfortunately, just having the right intentions is not enough. We should have a deeper understanding of our behaviors. We should know why we are acting a certain way. There may be hidden fears or insecurities. Ask yourself why you feel annoyed or upset? Do you feel you are not respected or loved? Now ask: do you respect and love yourself? Are you insecure? Do you lack confidence? Do you have a high self-esteem?  Are you happy with what you have become?

People who feel good about themselves generally have good relationships. By gaining awareness about our thoughts, we can evaluate whether they are empowering or limiting. Our relationships with others are shaped by our relationships with our inner self. If we are secure inside, we will have no difficulty forging a secure relationship with our partner. In the same way, if we are unhappy with ourselves, we cannot be in a happy relationship.