The fear of rejection limits you in many ways. It kills your joy and makes you less sure of yourself. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you stopped worrying whether others liked you or not?
The root cause of fear
Fear stems from our inability to lose. We are afraid of losing our health, our loved ones, our social status, our possessions, our looks… The list is endless.
As social beings, it is quite natural for us to seek approval. We can’t bear the thought of getting rejected by the society. It is this fear that forces us to conform to societal norms. We want to ‘fit in’ no matter what.
Fear of rejection is almost universal. Some amount of fear is fine. It will keep us safe and alert. Too much fear, on the other hand, is detrimental.
The only way to conquer the fear of rejection is to seek reassurance. But where can you find it? Seeking reassurance from your friends or family is unlikely to help. You have to find reassurance from within you. Reassurance that you can obtain from others is often interpreted wrongly. Some people might even assume that it is a sign of upcoming rejection.
Here are some tips to help you cope with rejection.
The only thing that you need to fear is fear itself. Fear can make you fall prey to the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’? What exactly is that?
A ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ is a wrong notion that will make you behave in such way that it will become true. For example, you might have this wrong notion that your partner is going to desert you. This fear might make you needy, anxious, defensive, suspicious, and angry. Eventually, your constant nagging and mood swings will force your partner to leave you. And when this happens the ‘prophet’ in you might assume that the prophecy was right from the beginning.
Now is the time to analyze your behavior. Are your actions and behavior influenced by your notions of possible rejection? If so, you need to act fast. You can’t wait until the situation goes out of hand.
Look for reassuring signs
When you are confronted with fears of rejection, you must look for reassuring signs. Find out if there is anything to prove that your relationship is working. It is far better than looking for possible signs that something is wrong.
Find out how you developed this fear of rejection
The fear could have stemmed from an unpleasant experience in the past. You were probably bullied at school. Or you might have had several bad relationships. It could be anything. Take a trip down the memory lane. If you can find a cause, try to reassure you how the situation has changed now. This works in most cases.
Question your assumptions
Learn to distrust your own opinions. People who believe that their assumptions are always right often make their own lives harder. You can’t be right all the time. So be a little less sure of yourself every now and then. Doubt yourself. Relax. Allow for the possibility of good and bad outcomes. Sometimes, you might just get the best results.
Develop that survival instinct
Convince yourself that you will survive whether you get rejected or not. The fear of rejection will automatically disappear when you are confident that you will be able to cope with the situation. What if your partner rejects you? Ask yourself. What is the worst thing that could happen?
Face the fear constructively. Tell yourself that you will survive. You might even thrive. Knowing that you will be okay will give you lots of confidence.
Rejection doesn’t mean you are worthless
So you have been rejected. Does this mean that you are worthless? No. The problem could have been with the person who rejected you. Cultivate that mindset. You will learn to cope with rejection better. If someone rejects you tell yourself that they probably didn’t deserve someone as good as you. It might as well be the truth.