Have you ever dated someone casually? If you are a die-hard romantic and believe in true love – the kind you would encounter in storybooks, then you are unlikely to have done that.
I believe in love that can withstand all odds and I must blame my parents for that. They have been together for well over thirty years. They have had their highs and lows, but their bond has only become stronger over the years. They made me a hopeless romantic.
I always wanted my first relationship to last forever, but it didn’t. I fell in love with an amazing girl. There were a lot of nice things about her. Still, we felt compelled to change each other. I guess we were not really in love with what we were. I fell in love with her hoping that this would be the perfect little thing for us. I tried to change her and she tried to change me. However, we both had our shortcomings, and we realized that soon. Eventually we decided to part ways.
It was difficult at first, yes. However, I learned an important lesson from this experience. You can’t force people to change to make you happy. They will change if they want to. They can’t be forced. Today, my Zen mind has come to terms with my breakup. From this experience, I have also learned some great lessons and easy ways to stop overthinking. I am not in a relationship at the moment. If I come across the right girl, I might fall in love again. But then I will definitely not make the mistakes that ruined my first relationship.
Five things to keep in mind before you fall in love (again)
- Understand that you deserve happiness
Many people stay in relationships which do not offer them any gratification because they don’t understand that they deserve more. They don’t know their true worth. When you realize that you deserve to be in a good relationship, your attitude towards love and life will change for good. People who are aware of their true worth will attract the right people into their lives. Remember that when you respect yourself, others too will start respecting you.
- Stop overthinking
There are several easy ways to stop overthinking. One of them is to learn to love with an open heart. Let others enter your heart. If you always keep your heart closed, you will find it difficult to fall in love. Accept your vulnerabilities. Accept the fact that relationships can be painful at times. It is not easy to love or live with an open heart. It requires a great deal of courage, but the rewards are worth it.
- Be compassionate
Compassionate people can sense others’ pain and suffering. They know how to offer solace. This draws people towards them. Being compassionate makes you a better lover because everybody wants to be in a supportive relationship. Learn to forgive the shortcomings of your partner. You have got faults too. Accept them and offer support to your partner when they need it the most.
- Know your limitations and strengths
You should know your limitations and strengths. This will allow you to find partners who can complement you. There is no harm in having some unique traits. There is no harm in seeking some unique traits in your partner either. Just make sure that you find someone who can balance your plusses and minuses.
- Don’t force yourself to be in a relationship
Don’t jump into a new relationship as soon as one relationship ends. Take some time to reflect on what went wrong. Some people are afraid of being alone. They feel that they have to be in a relationship all the time. Unfortunately, this only leads to incompatible relationships that are not satisfying at all.
Zen masters have extolled the benefits of being alone. Loneliness will give you an opportunity to understand yourself and this understanding will enrich your relationships.
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